03/08/2015

I wish I could tell my other half just how much I love him, It hurts me that I can’t do for him anymore that I want to. After surgery for a Bladder and womb prolapse then Bowel prolapse and then a repair its hard for me to truly show how much I care. I’m not going to say he is perfect, but for me he stood by me through thick and thin, he looks after me now with my illness and now feel truly blessed even though I think I have the green eyed monster towards an American penpal he has.

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Day she died

Not sure of the time or time scale, woke up and I had slept with mum in the same bed for the passed 4 weeks, Nearly 5 years clear she had cancer of the lungs, smacked her in the face again. Cruel was not the word, devastating to her family. That morning she woke, hoping to ask for breakfast I wheeled her to the loo. I couldn’t lift her she was heavy for a change. She said Mel please call my brothers Today is the day. Utter shear panic ripped through me. I phoned my younger brother to help me. He was in the bath at the time so ended up begging my sister-in-law for David to come and help. It was horrid I was so sorry that I had to do that as she had lost he own dad the week before. Then called my older brother his partner and my partner at the time,

If you ever met my mum she was an amazing human being, She did not deserve the last couple of weeks of her life. She did not deserve the monster that was her husband and what he did on that day.

Hello world!

The question I ask is does mental pain cause physical pain.

Thing is I know the answer, just wish I knew it 15 years ago, just maybe I could have moved on,

I know no one will read this so I hope I can spill my guts, I should have done it a long time ago, but my once perfect life ended when my mum died. struggling to cope found out my stepfather was a drug dealing them my soul mate was a dirty cheat.

Great bottle of pills I knecked the lot, puke sick and I got up in the morning and drove to work, fair enough they sent me home. I think that was the turning point for me. I was alive.